zumba

PRO

by Theresa 

via

Get jiggy with it! (Okay, I kinda regret saying that. Whatever, I stand by it.)

How often do you get to feel like RGIII after a training session and like you just hit up the clubs with your best chicas?

Forget what the haters say. Zumba is NOT just for aging women trying desperately to infuse their life with a little Latin spice and flavor. Zumba lets you feel like Baby in Dirty Dancing, while also burning off that pizza you had for dinner last night. You get to move your hips and practice your sultry moves. For a brief, glorious 60 minutes, you get to pretend to be one of Beyonce’s backup dancers or Julianne Hough.

We don’t all get to shake it on stage. And I mean, how many people do you know that still “go out dancing”? No, your grandparents do not count. So when else do you get the chance to bust a move on the regular? Zumba is perfect for that. If you don’t get the dance bug out of your system soon, you might be that weirdo breaking it down in the Metro. (Nobody needs to see that).

Not to mention, it’s the perfect alternative for more traditional exercise. If you’re like me, running on a treadmill makes you feel like a hamster. A poor, pathetic, sweaty hamster. And running outside during this summer is actually suicidal. We live in a godforsaken SWAMP for crying out loud, people! Get back inside!

You can do Zumba in the comfort of your air-conditioning and away from probing eyes. If you get tired, you can pause without fellow runners and/or judgmental tourists sympathetically shaking their heads and tsking at you.

Not to mention, Beto is one attractive, albeit sexually-ambiguous, dance partner. You can even use his belly button ring as focal point so you don’t lose concentration!

So whip out that DVD player and let me see you get low. Because it’s about to get hot in here. 

CON

by Kristina 

via

Before I begin my well-thought out and meticulously planned argument, I’d like to point out a few simple facts.

1)      Zumba is not a real word. In any language.

2)      Beto is terrifying.

3)      Beto’s relationship with his back-up dancers is highly questionable.

What exactly are you doing when you do Zumba anyway? Shaking your ass to fake Spanish music whose lyrics consist of “Zumba-hey, Zumba-ho?” I can feel the calories melting away already.

Here is my highly scientific test for any workout routine: What would you feel like if anyone walked in on you doing Egyptian arms with Beto and his freakishly toned band of racially- ambiguous deviants? My guess is you’re not gonna feel sexy or powerful, but rather like you’re just spanking yourself alone in your house. Sad.

In short, if you ever want to get fit without having to hide your regimen from your friends out of embarrassment, join a gym—without Beto.