cosmo or cosno? (Just go with it)

PRO
by Lindsey 

via

Cosmopolitan--more commonly known as Cosmo ... or, the Bible.

The cover just stops you in your tracks. Nomenclature splashed across the top, a sexy celeb in barely there clothing poised in the middle, and at least one corner yields the word SEX in neon letters. What else could a girl (or a guy, for that matter) want?

While the magazine holds ads for fitness and ads for new makeup products and ads for Gucci with the ever-sexy Chris Evans, we all know what we look for in the must-have monthly issue of Cosmo: the sex tips.

GUYS: Want new ways of romping in the bedroom

GIRLS: For whatever reason, feel the need to do anything and everything and every position in every which way to impress their man.

BOTH: Y'all need to read the issue from a few months back with North West's mama on the cover. It has an article on how to get some when you live at home with your parents. Initial thoughts that came to mind before reading the article? Lock the door. Move a chest of drawers in front of it. Blast some music. If all else fails, i dunno, just DON'T DO IT THERE.

Clearly, those who are living with the parental units need to read this for themselves.

The sex tips/sex Q&As in a nutshell: create an alter ego (think Batman: maybe your guy will bring out the growling voice that Christian Bale exaggerated in Dark Knight); use hot dialogue (duh?); make him feel like meat (umm, pretty sure it's not supposed to be interpreted a la Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect. "Hello, boys. Care to put your American sausage in my English muffin?"

And I'm pretty sure both parties secretly read the almost-porn excerpt in the back pages of said Bible. As if 50 Shades of Grey wasn't enough.

So if you want to make things interesting and innovative, to say the least, in the bedroom (whether in your grown-up bed or your trundle decorated with unicorns from your childhood), nothing compares to the sage words emanating off of the pages of Cosmo.

CON

by Theresa 

Alright, I know that people are going to judge and I say, let the haters hate.

Because I hate Cosmo. Frankly, it terrifies me. Want to scare small children on Halloween? Show them the cover of Cosmopolitan.

Maybe it’s the legacy of my Puritan ancestors. (That’s actually factually inaccurate because I am half-Peruvian, half-German/Irish...semantics). 

Cosmo is a fearsome creature to behold. I mean what other magazine could with a straight face offer you list after list of sexual tips? I mean, does anyone actually even use them?!

I’m with the Silent Generation on this one – whatever you are doing in the bedroom needs to STAY in the bedroom.

Cosmo makes something that should be private and intimate into something to read up on while you wait for your haircut. It just has this almost indescribable ick factor.

I get it the whole “sex sells” thing but I don’t understand why Cosmo has to take that so literally.

If I’m getting all philosophical on you, I also think the whole article is just demeaning. With titles like, “50 Ways to Please Your Man” and “How to Look Great Naked” Cosmo reduces women to sexual objects.

Deep thoughts aside, I say pick up a Marie Claire or People Magazine. At least those are balanced and give you a little bit of everything versus a sensory overload of sex, sex, sex.

Also, I have to admit that I have a personal grudge against the company. This past year, yours truly was featured in a small blurb in a print edition of Cosmo. While waiting in line at a Starbucks before our literature final, two friends and I were approached by a reporter who wanted to ask us questions about dating on campus. Weeeell, when the article came out, it basically made us into sexual deviants. Which (most of us anyway, including myself) are not. I guess our lives were too vanilla so they spiced it up a little bit a la Cosmo.

Not my finest hour, and definitely NOT how I want to make it big. Word of advice? Don’t do an interview running on 3 hours of sleep. Who knows what you could say.