doing yoga: awkward or awesome?

PRO

by Kristina 

via

I feel the need to start off by saying that I am not in any way a yoga type. I do not match my Lululemon sweat band to my Lululemon yoga pants which also match my Lululemon yoga mat (by accident, duh). When I sweat, it’s not delicate, and my hair doesn’t twist into perfect, charming ringlets around my face. I cannot touch my knee to my forehead and my ass does not defy gravity and various other laws of physics. All this yoga inadequacy aside, I can definitely pick out some positive aspects of this somewhat bizarre fitness trend.

I’m an avid runner, but earlier this year, I had a pretty bad case of runner’s knee. Even doing low- impact exercises on the elliptical machine or the stationary bike left me in quite a bit of pain (#wimp). I guess I could’ve stopped working out, and been more responsible with my diet, but that’s pretty much never an option for me. I’m more of an “eat anything and everything all day and decide it’s okay if I work out for 30 minutes” person.

Yoga allowed me to stay in (pretty) good shape, while also becoming way more flexible. I even noticed, after about two months, that I was a lot stronger than I had been before starting my yoga routine. I can’t say I felt more relaxed or spiritually enlightened or whatever the hell they claim you’ll be, but I was definitely still athletic even without a tough cardio regimen.

All in all, I wouldn’t say I’m a huge yoga convert but I do think it’s a great way to stay in shape when you can’t do the stuff you’d rather be doing. 

CON

by Theresa 

(SPOILER ALERT: YOGA IS RIDICULOUS)

“Inhale. Exhale.”

I got this.

“Okay, now drop your sacrum to the base of your spine.”

You lost me. What the hell is a sacrum and how does one go about dropping it?

The problem with yoga is that it’s not for the common man. Most people don’t know what the sacrum is and can’t extend their legs behind their head. Because it’s unnatural! I mean look at the yoga videos. They usually feature ridiculously toned men and women literally sitting on the peak of some mountain in Arizona doing the One-Legged King Pigeon and becoming one with the earth. Whatever that means.

When I do yoga, it’s just a constant stress seeing if I can keep up with the rest of the class. Honestly, if I even attempted some of the positions, I would probably break my sacrum, or whatever that is. (Seriously. What is your sacrum.)

We’re simple creatures, we just want to jump around a little bit, get our blood pumping, break a sweat. We don’t need to contort out bodies in wild positions in 100 degree saunas. What masochist invented this horrible practice? (No offense to the ancient Indians.)

Not to mention, the whole modern environment of yoga is just…. .granola-y.

“Do what feels right to you.”

How about you just tell me what to do? And preferably not things that will permanently disfigure my body as I know it.

“Inhale. Exhale and release the toxins polluting your chakras.”

Wow, who knew the magical quality of breathing? Maybe if I had known that, I would have breathed more often….. oh wait.

The point is, when I exercise, I want to sweat (and NOT because I am trapped in a sauna with 20 other women). I want to feel like an athlete. I listen to Birdman, Akon. Throw some Jay-Z and Macklemore up in there. I most certainly do not want to listen to “soothing” seagulls and waves. That just reminds me of HOW MUCH I WISH I WAS AT THE BEACH INSTEAD OF DOING THE DOWNWARD DOG IN A YOGA STUDIO THAT REEKS OF LAVENDER DRYER SHEETS.

Ahem. Anyway, I mean I am not violently opposed to a good stretch every now and then. But if I could just get the stretch, minus the lectures on life and why we should limit our diets to berries and nuts, not to mention the metaphysical musings, and the perpetual aroma of incense or vanilla, I would totally be down to get my yoga on.