list of facts that are interesting! (and/or traumatizing)

Don't say we didn't warn you.... 

by Kristina and Theresa

1. Penguins are sexually-depraved necrophiliacs. 

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2. Liam Hemsworth was at one point engaged to Miley Cyrus. 

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3. The population of the world is supposed to reach 9 billion by 2050. 

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4. Pleather is having a revival in the fashion industry. 

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5. Rabbits sometimes trample their young. 

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6. The number of people on welfare in the United States is nearly equal to the total population of England or Spain. 

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7. Female praying mantises decapitate their mate after sex. 

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8. Little kids have cell phones these days. 

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9. After you unsubscribe from an email, the organization still keeps all of your information. (In other news, so does the NSA apparently...)

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10. The United States alone generates enough waste to circle the globe four times. 

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miley cyrus: we should've known

And here is a brief history of the evolution of Miley Cyrus as expressed through song. 

by Kristina and Theresa 

1. "See You Again": I have a heart that will never be tamed. 

Well, we can't say she didn't warn us. But on her debut album, Miley still had the innocence of a preteen Disney princess. This was the type of inoffensive, albeit vacuous, jam that you could safely play in front of little kids. 

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2. "Fly on the Wall": A creepy little, sneaky little fly on the wall. 

Ummmm this is officially when things started getting weird for Miley. No one is sure where she got the idea for this song, but it seems eerily like a drug-induced bout of paranoia. Perhaps it came to her in a dream from the future? 

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3. "The Climb": There's a voice inside my head saying you'll never reach it. 

Hearing voices are we, Miley? Well, that's never a good sign. Some people thought this song was just about the struggle of a young Disney socialite.The more aware of us recognized this as a desperate plea for help. And so began the declime (heh) of Miley Cyrus.

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4. "Party in the USA": My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick, too much pressure and I'm nervous. 

This upbeat view of 'Murica was all a ruse for the deteriorating mental state of Hannah Montana. Everyone knows listening to a song by Jay-Z, or BritBrit, will not make everything better. 

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5. "Can't Be Tamed": I can get a bit crazy, have to get my way, yep, 24 hours a day, 'cause I'm hot like that. 

Uhhh, all aboard the train to sloot town. More importantly, this song raised a lot of pressing philosophical issues. Why is Miley in a cage? Who is trying to tame her? Why is she a bird? Aren't we all just massive black feather creatures forced into writing on the ground in a cage for entertainment?.... Nope, not really. 

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Anddddd finally. When it all came together and fell apart. 

6. "We Can't Stop": To my home girls here with the big butt, shaking it like we at a strip club. 

Maybe Miley can't stop, but the rest of us sure as hell wish she would. This song is a sloot train wreck. Like, she was well on her way to Sloot Town, but then the train crashed and it all got a little weird, and now there's teddy bears (see the video. Nightmares). We want to look away but we just can't. 

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the usefulness but overall suckiness of e-readers

PRO

by Kristina

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Yeah, I’m not a Kindle/Nook/e-reader kinda gal. The whole concept pretty much annoys me, and it blows my mind to think that in thousands of years, if the human race is in fact still around, there will be no evidence that our society even existed because we insist on digitizing everything. But anyway, in the interest of fairness, which is what this whole blog is about, here are a couple positives about this growing technological trend.

First of all, in the long run, it does save you money. Book stores are becoming a rarity, so if you do want to buy a bunch of books, you usually have to do so using an online forum. Consequently, not only are you paying for each individual book, you’re also paying for the mysterious “shipping and handling” charges that somehow make your $29.95 book purchase add up to $200.99. (Seriously?? Stop handling my books! Stop it!)

Also, in this age of luxury and laziness, convenience is more important than overall experience. Translation: Kindles are great because you can carry them around no matter where you go. You can’t bring the entire series of Harry Potter with you in physical book form anywhere. Your arms will fall off or bulk up like Ahnold in Terminator which may not be so hot if you’re of the lady variety. The portability of Kindles and other e-readers make them an easy choice if you travel frequently or have a long commute.

All in all, I think it’s great that the convenience of e-readers encourages people to check out the latest best-seller rather than the newest reality show. (Shhh.. I still think they suck). 

CON

by Lindsey

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E-reader. The most dreaded word a librarian (or the spawn of said librarian) can hear. Along with Kindle, Nook, Kindle Fire, and iPad (for novel-reading purposes). It makes me quake in my boots, shake, shiver, you get the gist. Anger also bubbles up inside of me. HELLO! We cannot cause such injustice to our ancestors who wrote with twig, quill, berry, whatever they had available on whatever paper-like substance they had in the vicinity.

Can we so easily reject the innovations that history left to us? Scrolls from the library at Alexandria (okay, so I took that from Diane Kruger's character in National Treasure); parchment, animal skins, tree bark?!

Okay, I admit it may seem a little archaic, but its important to stay close to our roots. Think Founding Fathers, Aristotle, scribes, cool old-school stuff. We must hearken back to the days of yore and stop succumbing to the cold, brightly lit screens of the unfriendly e-reader.

What about a book? One you can select from the shelves of a retail bookstore or, better yet, a used bookstore (my personal favorite). One you can open, note the creaking of the spine (if it's a real antique), and smell that timeless, musty aroma emanating from its pages. I firmly believe there is nothing better. E-readers are slowly taking over, assimilating the beings of this world into a technology-only culture. Like the Borg on Star Trek. But worse. Can we break the trend and prove resistance is not futile? Put down the damn iPad and pick up a book. 

the love-hate relationship with starbucks

PRO

by Lindsey

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Coffee: (noun.) Nectar of the gods. (The ambrosia bit is a myth.)

And where better to get your daily, twice daily, or even thrice daily caffeine fix than Starbucks. Also known as Starbs or the Bucks, this coffee chain is clearly bringing in the cash with the amount of business they do.

I started my Starbucks fixation in high school; took it the next level in college (thanks to an unlimited meal plan where you could use swipes at the Starbucks in the library ... brilliant marketing ploy, Wake Forest, absolutely brilliant); took it back down a notch until I worked in Farmington, Connecticut--where the only thing to do besides get froyo was walk to the Bucks); and now, living on a penny-pincher's budget in the District, I try to keep my caffeine purchases to a minimum.

But I love it. The Bucks has anything and everything a coffee lover could possibly want. Watching your weight? Go for the "skinny" option. Craving fruit but choose a burrito instead of a fruit salad? Ask for a few pumps of raspberry. Falling asleep and the work day hasn't begun yet? Extra shots are necessary. It's ninety degrees outside, there's a heat wave on the approach, AND you've soaked through your blouse? Frap or something iced; that will act as a band-aid for the shitty situation you've encountered living in Swamplandia.

And you get rewards! They're better than punch cards. Eventually you can even be a gold member (no, not like the Mike Myers movie), earning freebies like syrups and size upgrades. Once I reach gold status, I'm sure to feel very upper echelon, like Gossip Girl-style. Picture it: walking around with oversized sunglasses, a designer bag, and grande latte. Alright, so I'm clearly not even close to as fabulous as Blair or Serena, but a girl can dream, can't she?

CON

by Lindsey

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Yes, waiting in line is what I'd really like to be doing--it's not like I have better things to do--and waiting even longer because the person in front of me wants a double tall (whatever the f*** that means), half-caf, single-shot, no foam, extra hot, skinny vanilla latte with a pump of sugar-free hazelnut. I mean COME ON. Clearly, you're ordering coffee just to make everyone's lives a living hell. GEE THANKS.

Yes, I positively adore paying nearly $5 for an iced coffee that's actually just half-ice. I choose light ice. The barista chooses to have selective hearing.

Yes, I love dealing with baristas who loathe their coffee-brewing lives. And they spell my name in the stripper variety, i.e. Lyndzi. No one spells it like that. NO ONE. Except that one girl from Jake's season of The Bachelor who had a noticeably asymmetrical face. Clearly she had sketchy parents.

Yes, I love bypassing the Union Station Starbs in favor of saving some cash and drinking the mediocre (and sometimes burned) office coffee ... and seeing the girl from the other side of the office bouncing in with her iPhone in one hand and venti, something-pretentious Starbucks beverage in the other. Oh, that's nice. I forgot that you live in the swanky area of D.C., probably don't pay your own rent (#daddy'sgirl), and can purchase designer coffee on the reg. Yes, I hate the very essence of your being.

edward snowden: the movie

by Kristina and Theresa

We present to you a list of candidates for the inevitable cinematic exploitation of the tale of one Edward Snowden. 

1. Run, Snowden, Run with Tom Hanks: His angle would take a more sympathetic tone to the plight of the young NSA hacker. To do something that reckless (some might even say courageous), you probably have to have a screw loose in the old noggin'. 

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2. La Guarida de Nieve (Den of Snow) with Antonio Banderas: Think of the rakish, yet elegant figure he would cut as the elusive Guarida de Nieve. He could make the portrayal serious and sexy-- the perfect combo for movie magic. Hopefully he grows back the super skinny/creepy mustache from Zorro... 

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3. на весенних каникулах (Springbreakers) with James Franco: Like Snowden, Franco has a history of revealing stuff to us that we would rather not know. We get that you want to reveal something important about society (or the government) but we would really rather you just keep it in your pants-- I mean on your computer. 

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4. Home Alone-- Not. with Macaulay Culkin: Just writing that name gave me the shivers. His creepiness would translate well to a darker interpretation of the Snowden saga. 

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5. Edward Snowden with Edward Snowden: Wait, and I'm just thinking out loud here, but we could get Edward Snowden... to play Edward Snowden. Revolutionary! (Calm down, NSA, it's just a movie. He can't leak your stuff again so it's all good.)

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open city review

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by Kristina, Lindsey, and Theresa

You don't have a lot of time, and neither do we, so here’s a quick rundown of the good and bad at Open City:

· The food is awesome and reasonably priced. Also, they serve breakfast all day. DONE. 

· It’s extremely easy to get to. (right by Woodley Park Metro)

· The area is really fun too. After brunch/dinner/breakfast/whatever, you can go boutique shopping or hit up those animals (zoo) if that’s what you’re into.

· Coffee was fantastic, but re-fills did not appear to be free (not sure-waiter didn’t share that info with us).

· You don’t see your waiter all that often because he might be a little inattentive.

· Maybe that’s a good thing, because he might maybe kinda hate his job a little.

· Definitely a hipster-y vibe, but you might be into that.

Final note: It is extremely popular, so be prepared to wait on weekends. 

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All in all, TMIW gives it a big thumbs-up for a reasonably priced, fun brunch place!

                                                                                

                                                                                           

     

cosmo or cosno? (Just go with it)

PRO
by Lindsey 

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Cosmopolitan--more commonly known as Cosmo ... or, the Bible.

The cover just stops you in your tracks. Nomenclature splashed across the top, a sexy celeb in barely there clothing poised in the middle, and at least one corner yields the word SEX in neon letters. What else could a girl (or a guy, for that matter) want?

While the magazine holds ads for fitness and ads for new makeup products and ads for Gucci with the ever-sexy Chris Evans, we all know what we look for in the must-have monthly issue of Cosmo: the sex tips.

GUYS: Want new ways of romping in the bedroom

GIRLS: For whatever reason, feel the need to do anything and everything and every position in every which way to impress their man.

BOTH: Y'all need to read the issue from a few months back with North West's mama on the cover. It has an article on how to get some when you live at home with your parents. Initial thoughts that came to mind before reading the article? Lock the door. Move a chest of drawers in front of it. Blast some music. If all else fails, i dunno, just DON'T DO IT THERE.

Clearly, those who are living with the parental units need to read this for themselves.

The sex tips/sex Q&As in a nutshell: create an alter ego (think Batman: maybe your guy will bring out the growling voice that Christian Bale exaggerated in Dark Knight); use hot dialogue (duh?); make him feel like meat (umm, pretty sure it's not supposed to be interpreted a la Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect. "Hello, boys. Care to put your American sausage in my English muffin?"

And I'm pretty sure both parties secretly read the almost-porn excerpt in the back pages of said Bible. As if 50 Shades of Grey wasn't enough.

So if you want to make things interesting and innovative, to say the least, in the bedroom (whether in your grown-up bed or your trundle decorated with unicorns from your childhood), nothing compares to the sage words emanating off of the pages of Cosmo.

CON

by Theresa 

Alright, I know that people are going to judge and I say, let the haters hate.

Because I hate Cosmo. Frankly, it terrifies me. Want to scare small children on Halloween? Show them the cover of Cosmopolitan.

Maybe it’s the legacy of my Puritan ancestors. (That’s actually factually inaccurate because I am half-Peruvian, half-German/Irish...semantics). 

Cosmo is a fearsome creature to behold. I mean what other magazine could with a straight face offer you list after list of sexual tips? I mean, does anyone actually even use them?!

I’m with the Silent Generation on this one – whatever you are doing in the bedroom needs to STAY in the bedroom.

Cosmo makes something that should be private and intimate into something to read up on while you wait for your haircut. It just has this almost indescribable ick factor.

I get it the whole “sex sells” thing but I don’t understand why Cosmo has to take that so literally.

If I’m getting all philosophical on you, I also think the whole article is just demeaning. With titles like, “50 Ways to Please Your Man” and “How to Look Great Naked” Cosmo reduces women to sexual objects.

Deep thoughts aside, I say pick up a Marie Claire or People Magazine. At least those are balanced and give you a little bit of everything versus a sensory overload of sex, sex, sex.

Also, I have to admit that I have a personal grudge against the company. This past year, yours truly was featured in a small blurb in a print edition of Cosmo. While waiting in line at a Starbucks before our literature final, two friends and I were approached by a reporter who wanted to ask us questions about dating on campus. Weeeell, when the article came out, it basically made us into sexual deviants. Which (most of us anyway, including myself) are not. I guess our lives were too vanilla so they spiced it up a little bit a la Cosmo.

Not my finest hour, and definitely NOT how I want to make it big. Word of advice? Don’t do an interview running on 3 hours of sleep. Who knows what you could say.