by Kristina and Theresa
10. Kate Winslet, 37: Henry Cavill used to be known as “Fat Cavill,” and Kate Winslet used to be known as the girl who crowded Jack off the raft leading him towards an icy death. I hear wedding bells! Who cares if they have nothing else in common. These people looked their haters in their face and said SUCK IT—and then hit the gym. And then starred in movies. In that order. We applaud you.
9. Taylor Swift, 23: Okay, so we know she’s dated everyone and
their mother, so it’s only a matter of time. The two of them like their
relationships short and sweet (Kaley Cuoco), and we can only hope it lasts long
enough for TayTay to produce a scathing yet oddly sentimental song about it. Judging from that face, I think she'd say yes!
6. Zooey Deschanel, 33: Little known fact: Cavill’s not just brawn, but brains, too. He’s gonna need a hot nerd to bring out those prep school skills. He and Deschanel could discuss the meaning of life over a glass of port or something equally old and disgusting-sounding—next to a roaring fire in a Scottish castle (because he likes history. Or because we like castles). Look at her! She belongs in the UK countryside.
8.Olivia Wilde, 29: Much like his character in Man of Steel, Olivia Wilde would also like to forget her strange past (got married in a school bus? Weird). Not only is she hot and spontaneous (SCHOOL BUS), she is also descended from prominent British Lord Cockburn. What a name.
7. Mila Kunis, 29: Mila speaks fluent Russian, just like Hen-… oh wait he speaks every language except Russian. Awkward. Well, they’re both hot, so there’s that. I mean look how exotic she is! They don't need to be able to communicate in foreign languages to speak the language of love.
6. Zooey Deschanel, 33: Little known fact: Cavill’s not just brawn, but brains, too. He’s gonna need a hot nerd to bring out those prep school skills. He and Deschanel could discuss the meaning of life over a glass of port or something equally old and disgusting-sounding—next to a roaring fire in a Scottish castle (because he likes history. Or because we like castles). Look at her! She belongs in the UK countryside.
5. Jennifer Lawrence, 22: Spicy young thang. You just know
behind that deadpan glare is a burning flame of love. Perhaps Henry could light
her fire? If you know what we mean…. No, seriously, someone has to light
the fire in the Scottish castle. Although judging from her performance in The
Hunger Games, maybe Henry should just leave that to Katniss.
3. Blake Lively, 25: We already know this is impossible
because there is no way the earth could withstand the beauty of such a union.
It’s too painful to even think about. It would probably cause our society to go
full-on Aztec and just start worshipping them like gods.
2. Emma Watson, 23: They’re both British so that means they have
everything in common and will probably go “cheerio!” and enjoy restrained,
polite clapping at tennis matches together for the rest of their lives. She
would bewitch him with her pixie-like face and, if that didn't work, she’d spike
his English Breakfast with Amortentia. (If you don’t know what that means,
re-read Harry Potter. Now.)
1. Me. #butactually
No comments:
Post a Comment